December 31, 2009

Today is December 31 at 8.00 pm and i am still sick. not much went on today. got a couple of things shipped off; and realized that i may not be getting paid for them? I'm not sure we will find out soon....ill be pissed if i cant. at the moment i am listening to lady antebellum, and a few other artists singing slow sad love songs. maybe i wouldn't feel so shitty right now if i listened to something different? i texted will today. surprised he didn't flip out lol. see i have made an album on Picasa and i asked him if he would check it out and see if i labeled everything correctly considering 5 albums or so are from when i was in California with him. idk we will see what happens. he's got himself a new lover. wish i could say the same. no offense to anyone but she is a very big girl and quite obviously a mexican. which don't get me wrong; I'm not racist at all but i think its a little strange considering he supposedly wouldn't ever date a mexiacan according to him...all well. i hope hes happy. i cant blame him i hate being alone as well. Ive made several attempts at changing that; but so far all Ive ended up getting is getting used. ugh. I'm so stupid sometimes. I've kinda got a thing for one of my friends, and by what has happened he obviously has a thing for me to. perhaps i will elaborate on this at some other point. however i will give you a glimpse into this situation so you may be able to understand what I'm saying. he was going out with this chick for a year and a half i believe; and broke up with her four months ago, and is not quite over her yet. i can understand this with out a problem sure, but what confuses me is that he has been over to my house on several occasions, and we've made out on several occasions, but yet, we are only friends. wtf is that? idk maybe I'm just over thinking these things. I'm young. maybe i should just say fuck it and forget about it? I've been being the patient supporting friend for a while now. I'm trying so hard to do this but its not easy. for one thing, i am not known to be a patient person at all. and the other being i really like him. a lot. he turns me on so bad when he touches me. its crazy. no other guy has had that effect on me before, except perhaps will. he definitely knows it as well because i have told him this, after hes not here of course. and its quite easy to tell that i get him a little excited as well if you know what i mean. lol. still though, I'm not sure what to do. i haven't even talked to him in like 2 days which worries me a little. i don't know I'm trying to put it out of my mind. i suppose writing all this junk isn't helping much is it? lol. i suppose i should stop than ha. this is where i shall end my post for today.